just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
