Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Vodka?
Forever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
