I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
