I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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