"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
