He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
