Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
