i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize