i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
