i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
