after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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