Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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