my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
