i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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