Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
