im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
