so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
