nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
