I puked a lego.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
