Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
