lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
