Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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