Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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