i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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