it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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