Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
