The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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