THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
