Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
