Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
