Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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