the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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