Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
