also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
