Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
