im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
