Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
