How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
