it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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