I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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