You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
