areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize