Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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