He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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