Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
