...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
