dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
