How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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