I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
