the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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