are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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