Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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