Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize