I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
