According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
being pregnant is like rehab
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
