help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
