Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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