I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
