we have officially lost it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
