I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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