The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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