guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
