What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
