His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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