The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize