what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
