Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize