we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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