in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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