can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize