Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I enjoy the company of your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
