Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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