i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
